Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 44-45

EPISODE 44

♪And another one's gone, another one bites the dust, YEAH!♪

Bossgun decides he's had enough with the show and goes to his death. Crisis decides to launch a full scale attack on Japan -- sending Maribaron to meet with Japan's prime minister in a laughable scene (Golgom this ain't), where she just basically asks "Deal? Or No Deal?" Crisis' attack sends a lot of (unseen) people fleeing the city. Among them, the Saharas. Koutarou stops by and gifts them each something, and it's a rare, rare, rare moment in this series that actually just stops and breathes and lets the characters act like PEOPLE. That's long been such a rarity in this show, and it's one of the show's many, many, colossal weaknesses. A big difference between Black and this show was that Black wanted to depict a more realistic world, it wanted to depict ordinary youths. Yes, Koutarou was mostly business in that show, but we often got scenes of him chilling with his sisters or just acting NORMAL...Black, for as fanciful as it was, would often still feel like a show about people. RX is a cartoon.

Whenever we get a scene of Koutarou's downtime in RX, a scene of a "normal" life, it's always wildly exaggerated -- he's clowning around with Reiko in some chauvinistic way, or he's mugging as the Saharas are lobbing insults around, or he's performing in a comedy duo with Joe. RX is a cartoon, and a soulless one that doesn't want you to actually care about the people in the show. But before I go too far into that, I'll move on to...

The monster of this episode, said to be Crisis' strongest. It's like a robotic dinosaur thing that perfectly sums up not only Crisis, but this show -- random. It just drives home how incohesive Crisis is, and the entire show, really. RX, as a production, has just pulled random shit out of a hat for its entire duration, not caring if any of it works or makes sense or is GOOD. Anyway, the monster is real tough, man, with the Revolcane not even making a dent, and Koutarou has to be bailed out by...the 10 (costumed) Riders.

Could they even attempt to make this team-up not feel like the slapped on, attention-seeking afterthought it is? Between those cheap-ass teases of the past few episodes to just how stupid and random and forced in it all is. Why doesn't Koutarou wonder why these jagoffs don't unhenshin? It's always been dopey to me in these team-ups where they don't want to pay any of the old actors, so they're just in costume all the time. It looks really stupid, guys. Why don't they realize this? Why don't they care? Because the RX production has never cared. Not for one moment.

Random notes:

1) The Sahara parents plead with Koutarou to not be reckless. The dad gifts him with his lighter, with the promise he'll stop smoking until Koutarou returns to live with them. They fear they know he's going to his death. (If this show had any subtlety, I'd say this is the moment they let Koutarou know they know he's RX. But this show has never been subtle. It's in your face and kicking you in the nuts directly.) The Saharas obviously don't know how goofy Crisis is, or how ridiculously overpowered Koutarou is. It's wasted dramatics. Koutarou's never felt like he's had the blade against his throat in this series, as he had many times in Black. I think this episode is probably something assistant producer Shigenori Takatera kept in mind when he made Kuuga -- go watch the last few episodes of that show to see scenes of "hero making his farewell tour to his friends" done well.

2) The rubber face on Bossgun's forehead has looked REALLY shabby the past few episodes. But it's still a better actor than Dasmader. (Tetsuya Matsui has zero and a half facial expressions. And that helmet is way too big for you, you runt!)

3) I cannot watch that scene of the Riders introducing themselves without thinking of what Saban's Masked Rider did with it it. Namely, the amazing goon they hired to grunt "I am Amazon!" for Skyrider.
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EPISODE 45

A pretty dopey episode in which Koutarou decides to shrink himself as Bio Rider, enter the innards of the "strongest monster of Crisis," and destroy him from within, and then fake his own death for good measure.

Idiots that they are, Crisis thinks they're successful, and then decide to turn their attention to the 10 Riders. Maribaron resurrects monsters to kill them. Why do the showmakers think this is interesting? We have 10 costumed heroes that's hard to care about fighting monsters we've already seen killed by the guy whose show it is. And yet Toei returns to this scenario again and again -- and to this day! It's all just so pointless, as thrilling as a stiff and crusty amateur stage show.

Of course Koutarou's just hiding out, waiting to make his move. He hides, in Bio Rider's CGI goo form, within a puddle near the RX Cave and waits to sneak -attack Crisis' revived monsters.

After Koutarou fakes his death, a good chunk of the episode is spent on following the RX Squad and their reactions. I'm not complaining about this, but I'm going to complain about Goro coming back in out of nowhere and seemingly being made a part of the squad. (Jou Onodera must have been like "Ooh, ooh, dad! Please let me be in the episodes with the old Riders. Pleaaaaaaaaase!") This is RX in a nutshell: it's episode 45, we're in the final stages, main villains are being written off, and here's where the show's priorities lie: an extended "humorous" sequence of a panicked Goro running back and forth trying to fight off monsters, using one of Maribaron's magic feathers that will get them to freeze in their tracks. Goro running into battle with a frying pan... Help me.

Random notes:

1) Crisis' "strongest" monster, that dinosaur robot thing, was typically lame and useless in the end, but I thought the effect where he'd turn into a fireball was cool. It's just Toei's favorite fireball effect, but in the previous episode, they have that fireball land, like a meteorite, and skid across the ground, which was done well.

The scene where Koutarou asks Kyoko to call for water, which she does, and it pours onto Koutarou, allowing him to transform straight into Bio Rider and invade the monster is so out of nowhere and bizarre that it made one of my "WTF Moments" on YouTube. The funniest is those shots where it's obviously crew members just dumping buckets of water on Kurata, and he's just taking it.

2) There's a scene where a monster impersonates Rider 1; because the 10 Riders are freaks and don't unhenshin, it's hard for the RX Squad to notice that there's 11 instead of 10. I would forgive this lousy, forced team-up if Goro had approached Joe being like "I think there's two Rider 1s" and Joe replied "No, that's just Rider 2." Hey-oooooooooooo. (Because the only difference between Rider 1 and Rider 2's design is that Rider 2 has a bow on his head.)

3) RX fights Maribaron and scratches her face, which pisses her off -- that old cliche -- and leads her to wear an oversized eyepatch in these final episodes. A bad, unintentionally comical choice.

4) Seriously, this horseshit 10 Rider team-up. WHY?! Look, I know Toei realized at this point that they killed the franchise again, so they wanted to send it out in a "special" way, and Bandai was worried about Rider toys sitting on the shelf, but...is it really "special" when you're doing it so half-assed? Not that any returning actors would improve it, because it's written so horribly. There's literally no reason for them to be here! There's nothing they do that one of the RX Squad* can't do, and they don't even really end up doing shit or adding anything! Koutarou does all of the work, they just stand there as he kills 10+ monsters!

Look, I know Fujioka was distancing himself from the franchise and off making B-movies with Michael Biehn, and Sasaki's private life was messed up at the time. But you're telling me they couldn't have gotten Miyauchi? Araki? Freaking Shunsuke Takasugi, when being a Kamen Rider is his only known thing? They couldn't even get one of them to do a VOICE? And why are replacement voices always so off? They don't even try to pretend it's the same character. It's acknowledgement by the showmakers that it's a sham. So spare us, the viewers.

*As previously mentioned, the RX Squad was probably put on the backburner for the sake of this lousy team-up. And it kinda sucks, since RX was trying to build them up, and using them in bigger ways would have been more meaningful to the show than Koutarou teaming up with a Korakuen show.

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 42-43

♪完全独走♪

EPISODE 42

A frustrating episode because...Gedorian actually has a good, successful-seeming plan in this episode, but Crisis stupidity gets in the way of it. We don't need RX, and we certainly don't need the 10 Riders! Crisis will do themselves in, and not in some Vyram "they're all petty and hate each other" way, but just by their bozoticity.

Gedorian coughs up a worm that sucks up energy. He successfully drains RX of his fighting power, but also the King Stone energy. RX is pretty much toast in the scene when...Dasnerder shows up to interfere, wanting to behead RX himself. (Shut up about beheading people, Dasnerder! You haven't beheaded anyone and you won't. And chances are, if you do, you'll fuck it up like Theon Greyjoy. Because you're a Looser, with a capital L and two incorrect Os, because that's how much you suck, you deserve the 12 year-old internet troll spelling.)

Dasnerder pisses off Gedorian, while the other Crisis officers appear and attack Gedorian. All of this horseshit allows RX to escape, but the Crisis don't care, because they're morons. They all hunt Koutarou down, he's eventually assisted by Joe and Reiko. Joe decides to cause a distraction by confronting the Crisis clowns, and they ARE distracted -- not by Joe, but by the Crisis ship sending down beams of energy. They could easily kill Joe here, but, no, why kill your enemies when you're confused by the appearance of your own ship, and all of the Crisis officers decide to beam back aboard and check this out.

Gedorian's sending the ship's energy down to his monster, and incinerates himself doing so. How? I dunno. It's episode 42 and there's a lot of Crisis regulars to kill. Gedorian's voice-actor is very irritating and indecipherable in this scene. Koutarou's like "Ruh-roh! I better stop that monster." With a look to that stock footage clip of the sky, he transforms (after failing to at first) and saves the day. So, it makes Koutarou look like he was kinda faking as Joe and Reiko hauled his ass throughout the forest, escaping Crisis. Because nothing hurts him. He can escape any jam. There's nothing the writers won't make up for him at this point. He's already overpowered, but we're going to have to sit through a lame-ass team-up with the 10 Fake Shemp Riders as they help him finish the fight with Crisis anyway. *sigh*

Random notes, random show:

1) The episode begins with the Crisis Emperor teleporting a weird-ass Triforce hour glass into the Crisis ship. He's giving the Crisis goons until the Triforce fills with Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice to kill RX and get on with the immigration or he's going to blow 'em all up. He stops it at the last minute, commending Gedorian for doing whatever it takes for the empire. The only thing this guy is leading is Jark and shit. And Jark left town.

2) In this episode we hear the Crisis Emperor, and he's voiced by Goro Naya. That's probably cool for longtime Rider fans, but I think he's kinda mismatched here, and I don't care for the implication that the Crisis Emperor -- leader of these terrible villains -- could actually be the classic Great Leader.
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EPISODE 43

*dundundun* ♪Another one bites the dust♪ *dundundun*

This episode sees Gatezone deciding to take on RX with help of Dasmader. Dasmader sits and studies his video surveillance of RX, looking for a weakness, with the newly revealed info about the King Stone being the source of power. It's a plot hole, I don't get this. Prior to the events of the series, Crisis studied up on Koutarou, remember? They knew all of his abilities and the source of his power in hopes of recruiting him. They knew about the King Stone -- they split it so he'd never transform and sent him floating in space, did they not? Dasmader's the Crisis Emperor, spoiler alert, so he should know this info based on all of Crisis' research. So it's all just pointless time-killin', and more ways to make the villains seem stupid.

Gatezone allows Dasmader to use his "strongest" monster, which will unleash "Death Smoke" to be absorbed by RX at the critical moment he's pulled Revolcane from the King Stone. The plan works, the King Stone's polluted and RX is all writhing around in pain. He's saved by regathering his energy after the monster's deathsmoke blowin' device is damaged by an arrow blasted by Kyoko! And this isn't the first heroic moment for her in this episode, earlier she saves Reiko and Joe, who had been caught and chained up for spying on Crisis. She's had at least four big heroic moments in the show, which is surprising for a character who's come into the show so late, a girl, and so young. But...why is this show afraid to let Reiko do anything?!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! It's infuriating.

Reiko's now been paired up with Joe twice in comedic undercover scenes. Despite the fact that she's supposed to be part of the RX Squad now, she's only thrown one kick, and that was to a grunt. If Kyoko can become a master archer off-screen, then Reiko could have become the karate ass-kicking machine we know Makoto Sumikawa is off-screen. I mean, the show even had a scene of her training in a gi! That's more than we got for Kyoko's inexplicable penchant for archery. Did they just want Kyoko to have a signature weapon? Joe's always had his sai. Kyoko's is the arrow, for whatever reason. What, the water power was too goofy? That's supposed to be her thing. Why not make Reiko the archer out of nowhere? Why doesn't she have a signature weapon? We know it's her fists, dammit, but the show doesn't.

Anyway, there's something a little confusing about this episode. We spend a lot of time on the Crisis grunts taking over a gas station and giving people gas that causes their engines to explode and create black smoke. This is the reason Joe and Reiko go undercover, to find out what Crisis is up to. They're captured by Dasmader, who then goes off to make sure his plan to attack the King Stone goes well. This gas plan doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything! It all amounts to nothing! Was this just Crisis' regular plan this week, and it took the backseat since the episode's focus was more about Gatezone going behind Jark's back in order to attack RX on his own? Who knows? The heroes did nothing to stop it. Kyoko destroys a contraption, but it's only the contraption that was keeping Reiko and Joe prisoner.

Speaking of Gatezone, in this episode he has a really random drive to kill RX. Yeah, I know each Crisis member wants him dead to impress their lame boss, but the way the show depicts Gatezone in this episode, they act like it's one of those great personal beefs a toku villain has with a hero, and there's zip between Gatezone and RX. Or RX and any of the Crisis villains, for that matter. And that's one of the many, but one of the larger problems with this show. In Black, it was such an ugly, personal battle for Koutarou. His family was destroyed. There's just nothing connecting Koutarou to the lame-ass villains of this show. Their battles mean nothing. And at this point, the action's not even good anymore, so you can't be like "Well, it was a cool action scene." No, action directors Osamu Kaneda and Jun Murakami have checked out.

After Gatezone's death, Maribaron is seen looking sorrowful for a minute, which Bossgun notices, but she brushes off. There was all this weird stuff earlier in the series where Maribaron would be seen clinging to Gatezone's shoulder or caressing him. Nothing in this show has a payoff, and I don't know what the intention was, but they certainly seemed to be hinting at something between these two characters, which went nowhere. It wasn't even done in a clear enough or constant way to actually interest you in wondering what the untold story was.

You deserved so much better, Sumikawa.

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 40-41

EPISODE 40

Dweebmader ended the previous episode vowing to oversee the next plan, and you know the results will be no different than the other Crisis numbskulls. His great plan is to make an apartment complex look like it's haunted to drive out the tenants and modify and use the apartments for the Crisisfolk they're supposed to be smuggling in. In short: Dasmader's flipping a house, while Japan needs to build a wall and have Crisis pay for it!

Reiko hears the story through the grapevine and goes to take photos, spotting General Jark. (This is a grunt of Dasmader's, who later impersonates the general in order to spy on Bossgun. Why did he blow the plan by tipping off to Reiko that Crisis was involved?) Anyway, it's sad that the show lied by acting like they were finally going to let Reiko (Sumikawa) do more, and she's basically still just treated like Jimmy Olsen: good enough to give the deets of what's happening, but being pushed to the back when the men show up.

More Crisis intelligence here, as Bossgun is under Jackie's orders to pretend like he's going along with Dasmader, but Dasmader's only using Bossgun to begin with and, oh, aren't our villains so crafty and devious and interesting? (No.) I really don't understand why Dasmader's breeding Little Shop of Horrors creatures in the apartment, but why should the show make sense now? The turd is nearly out.

Dasmader uses Bossgun's monster to lure RX into a fight where the apartment's revamped security system can study RX's powers and abilities. Later on, Dasmader uses the info he's gathered to blow out that solar panel that's on the front of RX's chest, which I believe they name for the first time here -- the Sun Busk. (I'll give you a minute to laugh.)

Once the Sun Busk is burned out, RX is laying there and looks to the sun. It's a actually nice callback to those early episodes when Koutarou would get knocked around, look at the sun and transform. But it's a little annoying that he just bounces right back and tells Dasmader that the King Stone's more important. So, Maribaron's stupidity in that episode rubbed off and he's blabbing something he shouldn't to a villain. Making the once cool Revolcane finisher useless, RX "kills" Dasmader, but the little bastard pops up again in the end.

Random notes:

1) Dasmader really is a little bastard -- it's a BIG mistake to pair Dasmader and Bossgun up. Bossgun's suit actor is known for his height. Dasmader's a tiny little kid-looking dude. It's hilarious he's supposed to be the superior and he's craning his neck up to address his subordinate. Between his height and what a lousy villain he is...again, I'll just he's basically Dark Helmet.

2) As RX is off fighting monsters, Kyoko infiltrates the apartment building and destroys all of Crisis' equipment and their Little Shop of Horrors monsterplant things with some arrows. Nothing to say here, just that it's random. I like Kyoko, but it's sad that she's been given big hero moments like this and Reiko's given nothing but expositional malarkey. It goes to show how kidcentric the show is.

3) When the apartment building has been abandoned by the frightened citizens, Joe and Reiko disguise themselves as a couple begging to be given a room so they can get Koutarou in to investigate this Crisis Complex. How do they get Koutarou in? He hides in a bag of Reiko's as Bio Rider's CGI booger form. #bioriderisgross

4) RX uses the King Stone Flash at one point. I think it might be the first time he's done so in this series, but it's just depressing in the way it reminds you of Black. Likewise with the way Dasmader survives the Revolcane and is talking of his next great plans with Crisis while that Black BGM I associate with Birugenia plays, making you remember a better villain who Dasmader wishes he was just a pinch as cool as.
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EPISODE 41

A pretty weird and inessential episode to come so late in the series. I suppose it's RX's version of "a goofy one before the finale," but it just seems so...you guessed it, random.

In this adventure, Maribaron calls for her great-aunt, the 2,000 year-old 100-Eyed Babaa to deal with RX. 100-Eyed Babaa's design is comical and hilarious (and intentionally so, I'm not being a smart-ass here) and she's a weirdo who goes off on her own side journey to absorb young women and gain more years to live. She happens upon Kyoko and becomes obsessed, with Kyoko calling out for Koutarou in desperation and he hears it, which begins his involvement.

100-Eyed Babaa eventually successfully traps Kyoko, Reiko, Joe and Koutarou within one of her many eyes. Although trapped in different eyes, each character can still communicate with one another. The show once again pulls abilities out of its ass for RX -- which it does soften -- and has him asking the others to send him energy, like he's Tinkerbell needing claps, and that allows him to transform and escape from 100-Eyed Babaa's eye and fight her, freeing the others. The highlight here is that 100-Eyed Babaa reduces herself to one floating eye and RX stabs her with the Revolcane mid-flight, so Jiro Okamoto's wired up as explosives are set off around him. I don't think Joe or Reiko are acting as they look on like "Oh, shit!"

It's funny. Even though I didn't mind this episode, I think it's lousy in terms of falling where it does -- RX doesn't have a full 50 episodes, so is there really time to waste on something like this? So despite being entertaining, it still fails!

Random notes:

1) The episode begins with Koutarou, Joe and Reiko spying on a Crisis contraption and making plans to shut it down. Of course, only Joe and Koutarou set out and get in on the action -- Reiko completely disappears until the smoke clears. Do I need to beat this horse anymore?

2) The voice actress for the 100-Eyed Babaa is hilarious, and I was certain it was Rika Matsumoto. I'm wrong, it's Kazue Ikura.

3) The episode ends with shots of the 10 Riders gathering in America, after fighting and investigating Crisis throughout the world. Wait, what? These inept bozos have been trying to take over the whole world, and not just Japan? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Anyway, it's lame and I hate it. I imagine the kids watching RX at the time being like "Who are these fugly lame-os?" while the adults were like "Geez, couldn't they have gotten ANY actor back? Why does Rider 1 sound like a tween?" Because the RX production won't rest until it makes everyone unhappy.

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 38-39

EPISODE 38

This episode picks up the thread of the previous one, beginning with Joetarou finding and trashing Maribaron's pollution-causing machines. Crisis show their smarts once again as the first ship carrying Crisis folk is arriving and it's too late to warn them -- our baddies greet their countrymen as they die due to Earth's atmosphere. Maribaron saves her ass by suggesting building an underground home for their people until they can succeed in taking over Earth. (Guys, you've failed for 37 episodes. Move on.)

Joetarou is investigating the insta-fail Crisis UFO that was spotted when they catch sight of a bizarre dancing troupe led by a priestess who claims she can heal people -- when she does, they begin to follow her, and end up being slaves to help build Crisis' underground civilization. Say wha? What the hell sense does this make? If she can really heal people, they can make a lotta money. And yet...she's taking weak people and healing them to use for manual labor. Even if she's super powerful -- and this is Crisis we're talking about, so it's doubtful -- why take weak people that have just healed? Duh, because they're Crisis. Sorry.

Joetarou follows the priestess and her troupe into the forest where she traps them in...a pond of quicksand? Really, it's a small body of water, but Kurata and Koyama are acting like they're sinking in quicksand. They're saved by a mysterious arrow with an attached wire, Koutarou pulling himself and Joe to safety. Later they're walking when a blast of water appears from nowhere and reveals a secret passageway. Say what now? I'm fed up with this show's random shit...

Oh, wait, it's not random! It was all done by Waterstarter Kyoko Matoba -- remember her? No? Well, too bad, we're using her! She somehow has infiltrated this ridiculous little dance troupe and has been spying on Crisis. The writers have all of a sudden decided to make her an ace archer, but you don't know this when that arrow comes out of nowhere to save Joetarou. (They could have had her, I dunno, saving them by using her water powers that have been established? How about parting that quickwater Joetarou was sinking in.) So, does she at least shoot water arrows, like Shinken Blue? Nope! Of course not. She's the weird little girl who hates Crisis so much she forced herself to develop powers that can control water. But she also specializes in archery and undercover work, too. So much can happen off screen.

RX easily dismantles the plan, but Crisis once again shows that they're Mensa material -- Maribaron lets it slip to Koutarou that the higher-ups in Crisis were modified with enhanced cells in order to tolerate Earth's climate, but that every other Crisis citizen will die instantly like those schmoes in the beginning of the episode. Even the monster of the week is like "Maribaron, you're stupid!" The monster of the week! If the monster of the week is smarter than your regulars, you might be one of the worst toku shows.

And when the plan goes to crap, Dasnerder approaches Maribaron, intending to make good on his longtime threat to execute the latest failure. He never has, and he still won't, because while he draws his sword and approaches her, he's stabbed in the back -- by Jark! What a development! I'm on the edge of my seat! You mean to tell me the head villain of this group of dumb bad guys is deciding to keep his even dumber subordinate around to further come up with crap plans and blab secrets? Who'd have thought? If each Crisis member only had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain.

Random notes:

1) We know Dasnerder's not dead because, rather than actually try to be suspenseful, they show that he opens his eyes and smiles.

2) I think they really wished they had Machiko Soga guest-starring as the priestess. It's instead actress Yuri Kimura, who's already appeared in RX! She played Yuuko's mom back in episode 8. (Remember, one of the only tolerable episodes of this show.) RX, a show that never gave a fuck, is clearly giving subzero fucks at this point. I guess they're saving all of their money for the incredibly lackluster and shitty Rider reunion. (That's sarcasm; it doesn't take money to just get the yokels from Korakuen's stage show.)

3) After Koutarou nearly sinks to death in that tiny pond, he spends the rest of the episode covered in mud. It's actually kinda funny that they go that far to keep continuity. Where's that attention to detail for the rest of the show?

4) I like the idea of the addition of Kyoko, just too bad they can't decide on how they want to depict her. Is she going to have the weird water power or be the ace archer? They brought her in so late and use her so sparingly, it was a missed opportunity to have Koutarou bond with her and have her fill the hole in his heart left by Kyoko Akizuki. (Megumi Ueno even resembles Black's Akemi Inoue a bit.)
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EPISODE 39

Takashi Yamada's one script for the series. He wrote a few good episodes of Kamen Rider Black, including Birugenia's debut episodes. I don't know why he's popping up so late into RX's run, but...

It's a strange episode he turns in. I feel like they basically had two different scripts that they hired Yamada to unite. One was a filler-y script about the monster of the week disguising itself as a remote control car and causing havoc for Shigeru, and the other was a more serious script about the bad guys trying to get those closest to Koutarou to turn on him. Oh, and maybe work in some laser tag stuff, that's what all the hip kids are into. What the F?

It's funny that the episode begins with Crisis having a rare brainstorm that, hey, it's really been unfortunate that they're all at each other's throats and maybe they should try working together to get RX. Geez, you think? Actually, it doesn't help, because Crisis doesn't have a brain between their members, so they still screw up. But it's Dasmader's umpteenth "One more failure and I'll kill you!" and Crisis' umpteenth "This time we TOTALLY have to kill RX, guys!" Pack it in, Crisis! You've lost. Go home.

All of the focus on laser tag in this episode is strange. First we have Joetarou posing for Reiko in laser tag gear at an arcade. And then that turns into a game with Shigeru and his friends. Crisis is going around town kidnapping the kids who get the most points at laser tag in order to brainwash them to kill RX, so they're given EVIL laser tag gear. When Shigeru's brainwashed, the Sahara mother is freaking out, wondering why they're always targeted, realizing that it all started when Koutarou showed up. It's shitty, but she has a point! This is part of Crisis' plan, to turn the people he loves against him, but one second after this, as Reiko and Joe worry that Koutarou might take Utako's words to heart, he's like "Nah, I know she's just worried and venting." Crisis (our writers) is so terrible that even their one halfway decent plan that shows signs of working and makes things interesting...they still screw it up! Koutarou's as tired of Crisis as I am of this show, so he doesn't give a shit anymore!

There's a scene later on when Reiko and Joe are forced into the Evil Laser Tag gear and turn on Koutarou. It's just so ridiculous. (Even more ridiculous than Koutarou tracking down Kyoko to ask her to ask the water where Shigeru and his friends have been taken. You read that right.) They shoot RX and...seeing him bleed snaps them out of their spell and what? *sigh*

Random notes:

1) The action kicks off by Shigeru and his friends losing a remote control car race, with some weird old dude (Gatezone disguised) offering them a super car. I only point this out because it's stupid, but also to note that Shigeru's remote control car looks like Rideron. It's probably the one you could actually buy from Bandai, but my point is Rideron is ugly and lame and no kid's gonna think that's a cool remote control car to have. Herbie the Love Bug's more bad-ass.

2) We get no resolution about Utako Sahara's turning on Koutarou. Yeah, we know he knows she's just stressed, but a better show would have featured a denouement where she apologizes and he lets her know it's cool. Yet another thing the show's careless about. They really just don't make an effort in getting you to like the Saharas, and it's going to be crucial in a few more episodes why they should have made that effort.

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 35-37

"It's them damn enchiladas!"

EPISODE 35

An unintentionally goofy episode. I get the feeling the script came about like this:

Jun'ichi Miyashita, writer: "Ooh, wouldn't it be interesting if the villains framed Koutarou for a crime?"

Network stooge: "Yeah, Miyashita, that sounds good. But what if they gave him a tapeworm on top of it?!!?"

Such is the thinking of RX.

Because characters are as smart as the people writing them, this week's plan involves Maribaron's learning about computers and deciding to frame Koutarou for a bombing. Not content with just that plan, she also sends the monster of the week to his innards to cause him intestinal pain. (That's how Kurata plays it. The monster of the week's name? Kaima Beast José Olé.) I don't think Maribaron, the monster of the week or the writers know how the body works, because the monster's obviously in Koutarou's guts, but the monster also thinks he successfully kills Koutarou by stabbing his heart. (Koutarou fakes his death by quickly switching to Bio Rider. Of course he does! Bio Rider's always been an all purpose Get Out of a Jam Free card.)

Random notes, randomer show:

1) The frame job is successful and Koutarou is arrested. He escapes prison by transforming! I guess this is Jiro Okamoto prepping to play Kamen Rider Ouja twelve years in advance. Also: Golgom would be proud of Koutarou using his power in such a way.

2) There's a hilarious scene where Koutarou breaks into the police headquarters by oozing his way through as Bio Rider in order to check their computers. Our Kamen Rider, in his effort to prove he's not a criminal, has no problem committing all kinds of other felonies.

3) For some reason, in this episode, Shigeru keeps almost revealing that Koutarou is RX. Hitomi even picks up on it, but not the parents. Stupid as always. Actually, I will say that they're actually pretty toned down here. It would have been nice if they didn't begin the series at 11, so maybe you could tolerate them, but why should this show do things right?

4) We see twice in this episode that Koutarou is supposed to be 20 years old. Well, well, well. That's interesting. Remember that he turned 20 in the 46th episode of Black. RX is supposed to take place an unspecified amount of time after Black, with most people assuming at least a few years. Well, I guess not. But I guess some fans will be like "Maribaron screwed up when she was entering all that other false information!" Nice try, Jun'ichi Miyashita! You left a hole! And you should know better since you're one of the only writers who actually worked on Black! (IIRC, it was even you who wrote that episode with Koutarou's birthday!)

5) Koutarou gets out of this dilemma by faking his death and being taken to Maribaron's lair, where he comes to and breaks all of her computers. Like your grandpa, who doesn't know how computers work, he thinks breaking them will solve his problem. But because this is his show, it works! The moment all of Crisis' computers are destroyed, the files on the police's computers vanish.

Randomer note:

While it's depicted extremely goofily here, a Rider who's been framed and/or on the run from the law is kinda where I pictured Shin Kamen Rider going. He was a true monster who had no problem killing, so he would have found himself on the wrong side of the law.
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EPISODE 36

Dreadful, useless episode. One of the ones for the kids, in which Crisis makes a really lame gold-colored Lucha libre wrestler who goes around and bests the top guys in each sport, stealing the kids' admiration. Why? So the kids following this Crisis monster will become Crisis Youth! You've got yourself another winning plan, Crisis.

The funny thing is, Jark makes this declaration "Kids are dumb! They're easily swayed by athletes and will worship them!" Well...a lot of adult sports fans are like that, too. You could have made something of this plan, Jacko, but, as always, you go about it in your horrible Dr. Evil way.

Twenty minutes of kids following this Oscar statuette ice-skater, chanting "Great Mask, number one!" over and over and over again in a drone gave me such a g'damn headache. It's also one of those episodes where Koutarou's barely in it, it's Shigeru and his pals investigating the plot. (And then quickly being discovered and getting brainwashed, too.)

Disposable garbage. People's Exhibit Z that RX was going to be killing the franchise for a while.

The only thing I find really notable about this episode is that the target pro boxer, Sawada, is played by Kazuyoshi Ozawa. I've seen Kazuyoshi and his older, more known brother Hitoshi in many, many yakuza movies. Kazuyoshi returns to Rider 20 years after RX, playing ex-con Sam in Kamen Rider W, a memorable episode for highlighting Soukichi/Skull and for having an actor like Ozawa in the part of the reformed criminal who respected the man who brought him down.

Kazuyoshi Ozawa, I mentioned in my Turboranger coverage, is my dream pick for Yamimaru. Although he's a year older than Yamimaru actor Yoshinori Tanaka...I still kinda think Tanaka's lying about his age. He looks older than the 24 years he claims to be in the show. While it's certainly not the first or last case of an older person being cast as a high-schooler, you can make jokes about how much older Tanaka seems. The real problem is that I feel like Tanaka might be a little self-conscious, so a lot of the times he's playing the Hikaru part of the role, he's not giving the performance all he can. He's great as Yamimaru, he completely conveys the rage of the character...

But being able to convey that Hikaru side was also needed. And since Yamimaru is such an old character, I DO think they intentionally cast someone a little older to further convey how old he really is. (Centuries old.) I think Ozawa would have been believable as the vengeful Yamimaru, but he would have also played the Hikaru side smoother. And not only that, but I think Ozawa has a certain look to him that makes him look like he could be from an older era, and I think that would work to the character's advantage, and be a cool little detail.

Oh, yeah, about this episode. Anyway, Koutarou saves the day by merging with Sawada as Bio Rider's gross goo and challenging Golddust to another battle, with Rider controlling Sawada and winning the fight with his moves. Am I the only person who finds Bio Rider disgusting?

Random(er) note:

There's a scene where the Sahara parents bicker and...it's actually restrained. It's sad that the show got off to such a horrific start (period), but also with these two, because they HAVE been toned down compared to earlier on, but that initial presentation of them just colors the way you see them for the entire show. I still dislike them. First impressions and all, I suppose. Kinda like the way that I always judge Takeshi Inoue based on the obnoxious kid he played in Fiveman, when he's more tolerable here as Shigeru.

Sorry, Reiko. He's just not that into you. #Joetarou

EPISODE 37

An episode mainly noteworthy for being the return of Joe. (Jesus, did I just type that?)

In this episode, we begin talk of Crisis altering Earth's atmosphere so they can start to bring their people over. Maribaron has a plan for these little contraptions that will cause fog or something, but gets nixed in favor of Bossgun's plan to take over a village and cover it in gas that will allow Crisis folk to live and...ugh. They take over this village by posing as aliens invading. Why? Who knows! This show doesn't. It's not known what it's been doing from the start.

Koutarou and Reiko go to the village to investigate. Who follows them? Goro! Who's that, you ask? I haven't talked about him. He's a cook who works at the Saharas' chopper place, played by Ishinomori's son Jou Onodera. He's barely been in the show -- just a few bits in a couple of episodes -- and I don't know why they felt compelled to bring him back for this episode in particular.

On the way they encounter Joe...Kasumi no Joe, not Jou Onodera. Where's he been? How did he survive his injuries? Who knows! But he's back and Koutarou's VERY happy to see him. Really, Kurata hasn't been this alive in quite a few episodes. Between his reaction here, and the way he absolutely lost his mind and shrieked his name back when Bossgun cut him, it's obvious that Koutarou seriously loves Joe more than he ever loved Reiko. Sorry to break it to you, Reiko. (Joetarou is their cute little couple nickname.)

Anyway, the geniuses at Crisis strike again. The monster of the week -- inexplicably a ninja -- disguises himself as Joe and instantly gives himself away -- twice! (Once to Goro and Reiko, once to Koutarou.) The show's not aware of how dumb they make Crisis. They really think Crisis are cool and interesting and formidable, and they're far from it. They're practically on Rita Repulsa levels. Might as well send a football monster to tease Koutarou that he didn't make the football team or some such shit.

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 33-34

EPISODE 33

Road trip!

This episode and the next marks the show's "vacation" episode(s). Well, it's not much of a vacation, as Koutarou's investigating a mission given to him by a dying scientist and Reiko's there for work, but you know what I mean. It's thin on story, but since they're trying to play up the scenery and locations unique to the different filming venues, they want it to come across as more of a spectacle, and coming off of the past two boring episodes, it reallllllly helps.

With plans for something called Crisis Land, the Crisis plan to blow up the Seto-Ohashi. Now, the Seto-Ohashi was newly completed by the time this episode aired, after long planning, so they had to be happy to be able to film there and show it off (with it being the backdrop of the final big battle), as well as the Takamatsu setting. So, while this episode has a lot of the familiar ingredients of the similar "vacation" episodes of toku, there is at least one new and unique element on display here, and the showiness, the spectacle, all makes it seem bigger, and I'm surprised it wasn't just made RX's movie for the year. It's really weird to me that Liveman didn't get a movie because, I assume, Black got two. Cut to '89 when RX didn't get a theatrical short, but Turboranger (a show that wasn't as popular as Liveman) did.

Now, Crisis Land...all along I've been making my dumb little jokes about what the Crisis call their realm. It's really named "Kai-Makai," which is basically like "Strange Hell," but rather than typing that again and again, I've been doing dumb stuff like saying "Crisisvania" or whatever. I've used "Crisisland," not remembering this episode and Jackie's talks of planning a "Crisis Land," so...yeah. I really didn't remember much of this show. But I didn't realize that was my memory trying to do me a solid.

Random notes on a random show:

1) It's really weird to see General Jacko out and about. I don't think he's been seen outside of the Crisis ship since the premiere. But what's even funnier is that he's walking around with his staff officers, and since the production wants to be showing off Takamatsu, it looks like he's walking around taking in the sights. Like...here's Jark and his generals visiting the aquarium! I guess that's Crisis' speed.

2) ♪RIDER YOU ARE THE FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTER♪

3) "Kai-Makai" is also a phrase which means "the state when one watches Kamen Rider Black RX."

4) At one point, Bio Rider saves a guy played by Jiro Okamoto. SO WHO'S IN BIO RIDER'S SUIT?!?! Tokio "Shadow Moon" Iwata has long been credited as a secondary suit-actor for RX's alternate forms, so I guess he's in the Bio Rider suit here. It's kind of weird to see that young Jiro Okamoto kinda reminds me of the Dasmader actor. Man, imagine if it was just Okamoto playing that character. That would be cool!

5) Racing the clock to stop Crisis, Koutarou approaches a helicopter pilot and gives him his credentials as pilot for the Sahara company, requesting the use of this guy's helicopter. And the guy allows it! The scene's presented like Koutarou's a cop commandeering a vehicle, but Koutarou's just an ordinary citizen! It's nice of the show to remember that Koutarou started this series as Kamen Pilot, I guess, and it at least leads into one of the traditions of the vacation episode -- sweet helicopter action. But it's weird nonetheless.

EPISODE 34

Continuing RX's journey on Shikoku. It begins with Koutarou and Reiko chilling and taking in some sights. It would get old going with Reiko anywhere, with her constantly snapping pictures of everything that surrounds her. Who does she even work for?! A crummy magazine? A legit paper? Is she just a photographer or more of a photojournalist? The show doesn't care about Reiko as much as it pretends to, so you never know.

It's another episode light on plot, and while they're still filming in Takamatsu, they're not showing off as many places, not making up for a light plot with visuals or spectacle. This one definitely seems more like a commercial. (Shop smart, shop Marunaka mart!)

Kenji Ohba guests stars as a father (who works at a Marunaka) whose kid (the son of a man who works at Marunaka) is taken by Crisis. His kid, for some reason, has been trying to develop extrasensory powers (which he tests at Marunaka), which his dad (employee of the month at Marunaka) laughs off. (Where was Kenji Ohba to tell Kyoko Matoba she was outta her mind?) But I guess the kid DOES have something, because Crisis kidnaps him and other kids for their plan, which is to...get them to psychically lift the entire island of Shikoku and have it become Crisis' latest weapon? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!

It's really weird that Kenji Ohba began the '80s playing three heroes and ends them playing an ordinary dad. I thought it was a weird disappointment when Miyuki Nagato played a mother in Turboranger, but this is just as bad. Ohba's such a pro, though, that he really keeps his character in mind -- it's Kenji Ohba, you know he can jump over a wall like it's nothing, but here he awkwardly climbs up, knowing he's just playing a regular guy.

Random notes:

1) For Amemiya being the monster designer of this show, I have to say that I'm not really fond of a lot of the villains or monsters in this show. But the design of this crazy monster of the week delivers -- a six-armed, three-faced demon.

2) The monster of the week has a human disguise, played by Toshimichi Takahashi. Takahashi played the Terminator knock-off early in the series, and he's the suit-actor for General Jark, while providing the voice of Gatezone. It's really weird to use him in these little roles, IMO.

3) When the monster's disguised as Takahashi, he's always around a gorgeous woman...who ends up being Dasmader in disguise. HUH?!!? That's weird, and might've weirded out a couple of kids. Why they decided to have Dasmader disguise himself as a woman is a mystery. A bigger mystery? I can't find out a damn thing about the actress who plays this role, Yuyako Takagishi. Google her name and you only get, like, five results, all about RX. Her name sounds like a stagename, too, so that's not helping. Who is she?! (I'm guessing a local talent?)

Kamen Rider Black RX Episodes 31-32

Like the Kamen Rider Agito tapestry, only it tells a crappy story.

EPISODE 31

An episode that's unnecessarily a two-parter. And since they're written by Sagiyama, you know they're not going to play a big role in the big picture. So, it's mainly a waste -- episodes like this bother me, where they act like it's high stakes and important stuff's going down, but it's real just a lotta hot air that doesn't amount to much.

Koutarou's attention is caught when he spots Gatezone pursuing a woman by motorcycle. What's it all about? The woman is an engineer whose honky fiancé, a test pilot, was such a cheapskate he bought them each a strip of gold-pressed latinum from a shady street vendor to make into a necklace (in place of engagement rings). Brought together with a third piece -- which the woman knows is located in Japan, so she forces Koutarou to break into a museum with her to find it (!) -- will form a map. A map to what? More of those damn spiky pillars that are doorways to Crisisville. Where's this map lead, where are these pivotal doorways to Crisistucky located? You guessed it, the rock quarry! Because where the hell else would it be?

I don't even understand the big deal about the map and doorway pillars and stuff. It's not like Crisis is cut off from their land, right? Assholes are going to and fro, especially renegade assholes who turn on Crisis and seek help on Earth. How did this map get split in three pieces and sent to Earth, two of the three pieces ending up with some random street vendor in the first place? (I'm guessing it was the doing of some of those Crisis renegades.) Why is Crisis even trying to stop this woman when she wants to join the pieces and open the door anyway -- just let her be and they'd still have their way! Instead, they chase her and get Koutarou's attention. How the FUCK have these bad guys survived 31 episodes with brains like this? They should have failed and been defeated halfway into episode 1.

I mean, I guess rather than just being a "door" to Crisis' realm, it seems more like it accesses it and maybe begins to merge it with Earth or something. Once the key is put in place, a mountain cracks, and Gatezone inhales and notes that he can smell Crisisland's atmosphere, which causes the woman to choke. So...wait, what do I care? Why am I trying to make sense of this? Hey, if you're not trying, show, I'm not going to try to make sense of you. Moving on.

The woman's pretty useless, too. She opens the door to Crisisville, and the logical storytelling would be that she undoes that blunder by going and removing the key or whatever. And she DOES make the effort, but it's RX who shuts the contraption down before she gets there, and the shockwave of his attack actually hurts her. So...once again, not for the first time rewatching this show, I'm left asking "What was the purpose?"

Just a horrifically pointless and boring episode and I really hate the idea of having to watch a second part of it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pointless notes on a pointless episode:

1) The woman learns about the magical component of the necklace from the journal of her dead fiancé. This guy was piloting a plane and his own necklace activated and some funky stuff started happening in the atmosphere -- with him catching a glimpse of Crisis' ship -- and his (model) airplane was destroyed. And yet...he somehow had the time to WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN in his journal, just seconds before dying. And, somehow, his dimestore journal didn't end up blown to smithereens along with his dumb, awful-acting ass and his dumb Tomy airplane.

2) This episode sees a return of goofball Koutarou, and he wasn't missed. It's also just misplaced and out of character here. He's crackin' wise and making goofy voices all throughout the scene of when he and the woman are breaking into the museum. The scene ends with him punching out two guards and making a little "sorry!" gesture. Who is this? It ain't Koutarou. (And it ain't funny, either.)

P.S. Guys, I really don't want to watch part two. You gotta help me!
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EPISODE 32

I literally sat and stared at the DVD for three minutes, just contemplating if I even wanted to put the sucker in and watch this sonuva. That's no joke. There've been a lot of boring RX episodes; there's been one so far that it took me three attempts to finish. But after 31, I just really wasn't interested in continuing this damn storyline.

What's more annoying than episodes like these, pretending to be about something or like they're big events, is the way they just pull things outta their ass. Here, we have Maribaron, who saved the destroyed remains of the map/key thing after RX destroyed the doohickey, who claims it can be restored as long as they can find a pure-hearted kid who wishes on it to go to Crisislandia, and...*sigh* Maribaron sounds so full of shit sometimes, like she's just making things up as she goes along, kinda like the careless writers of this show.

And so we follow the engineer from the previous episode, Yuuko, as she's found and brought back to health by an old monk who lives with this granddaughter. Yuuko is already not interesting, and we spend practically the entire episode with her. It's like they're trying to launch her and this is a backdoor pilot. Koutarou's barely in the first half of the episode, for example, and it's his show! I can't stand when we spend more time with the guest we'll never see again, who won't amount to anything, than with any regular from the show we've been watching.

Yuuko notices paintings around the temples she's at that depict those gnome things found in Crisisburgh. Ever since her dumb dead pilot fiancé left her his magical diary that he was still writing as he was vaporized, she's been investigating all the nutty stuff he's talked about, and knows that these pictures represent a Shangri-La, and that's what the key is supposed to open. Well, Crisisland WAS once the Shangri-La, but Crisis used it up. This isn't the big reveal the show thinks it is, because we were told all of this by Dr. Waldo in episode 3! The monk and his granddaughter are descendants of Crisisfolk, so Maribaron targets the granddaughter to use in her ritual of repairing the key and opening that doorway to Crisisopolis.

SNOOZE.

If you're a fan of this show, maybe it seems like I'm overreacting about this two-parter. It doesn't help that I'm just really tired of the show by this point, but it's also, like...the structure of these two episodes is off, and they're boring episodes on top of it. There ARE worse episodes of toku -- even RX -- out there, but still... I just find this two-parter pretty pointless, and totally unnecessary in terms of what it "reveals" and in the puzzling choice to even make them a two-parter. These episodes just have such a weird flow to them, and they seem like they were slapped together and made just to fill an order.

If I had to say a few positive things about them, it's that I still think Atsuko Takahata gives a good performance as Maribaron. (And she even gets a scene out of costume, which I always think is fun when the villain actors get a scene sans get-up.) Guest actress Midori Nishizaki -- who plays Yuuko in this two-parter -- does a really good job in the scenes where it's Maribaron disguised as Yuuko. And the monster of the week in 32 is pretty cool, a rock monster who at one point traps Koutarou in a cave by making the cave walls come to life, with all of these rock-y limbs coming out and restraining Koutarou. Koutarou gets out of that jam pretty easily...

Koutarou gets out of jams too easily in this show, period. That's a problem with his powered-up forms. In my Black coverage, I mention how refreshing it was to have that show stand apart from the previous Riders, one of the benefits being that it made the odds seem stacked against Koutarou. He didn't have back-up, he didn't have the comfort of knowing that maybe Hongou would come bail him out during sweeps. Black was incomplete, therefore more imperfect compared to the fully transformed Shadow Moon. And look what happened in their first big battle -- Black was killed by Shadow Moon! And now we have Koutarou with these power-ups, and it's never really a struggle -- if the monster's tough, he just becomes Robo Rider and bulldozes his way through. If he's stuck in a contraption, he just becomes Bio Rider and oozes his way through. Nothing's a sweat or struggle for Koutarou in this show. It's predictable and boring.