Kiramei Go Eff Yourself

 

This show was a real chore to get through. I tried to keep up with it as it aired, and didn't really want to, but then it went on hiatus, and then the episodes just piled up. Once Silver shows up, and each episode became about him, I checked out. It's no secret I hate sixth heroes, but I especially hate when they're not interesting and yet hijack the show from its regulars. (A goof-up yakuza member can count good sixth heroes on one hand. If that's too vague for you, I'm saying someone with a few fingers missing can count good sixth heroes on their mangled hand.)

I just wanted to drop the show entirely at that point, which sucked, since I'm such a fan of the franchise, but each time I tried to just suck it up and continue. I'd get about two episodes further along and just be like "No. I can't. This thing sucks, I hate it." This show's like Magiranger and Go-onger filtered through the brain of JoJo Siwa. Stupid, goofy and irritating, an eye-piercing parody of style, full of phony energy and not anywhere close to as amusing as it thinks it is.

I knew before the show started that it was going to be Goseiger 2 -- a bland, by-the-numbers show that's just filling the seat until the anniversary blow-out that can be marketed and pushed like crazy for the yennies. Goseiger at least feigned some effort by pretending to offer some new ideas to the franchise and, as poorly as it turned out, was meant to invoke some feeling of tokus of yesteryear -- in a genuine way. Kiramager is just a mishmash of whatever the showmakers want it to be this week and, pretending to tip its hat to Sentai shows of old, is really a show that's mocking the franchise. The show's not some heartwarming tribute that many people say it is, but a show that hates itself, made by and for people who think they're too good for Super Sentai, so there's no harm in it being as stupid as it can possibly be. When you have a mindset like that, you don't have to put in any effort to make a show. Just look at Kiramager, there's no effort in it, no rhyme or reason, it's just a collision of randomness.

Why is it this way? I feel like the vibe's set by returning producer Hideaki Tsukada. His previous Sentai shows were Dekaranger, Magiranger and Gekiranger. I always said you can tell he never took his tokus too seriously, especially Sentai. He wants it to be light and fluffy and heavily anime-influenced. He was intended to "graduate" to Kamen Rider, and then produced W and Fourze before then "graduating" to cop dramas. So being called upon to return to Sentai to help "save" it at this dire time, he's being pulled back 13 years to a franchise he never much cared for in the first place. I get this impression from Tsukada that he's basically like Joel Schumacher, not taking anything seriously, always reminding everyone "Hey, this is a big cartoon!" before action is called.

Now get a writer like Naruhisa Arakawa, whose last major contribution to the franchise was the unofficial parody that gave him the actual freedom to cut loose and do whatever the hell crazy idea he wanted. And now he's being shackled to one of the regular shows that's not asking for any creativity from its creators whatsoever. Arakawa's also shown signs of being burned out in the past several years, and like someone who'd rather have moved on by now. Arakawa's usually known for writing interesting or at least fun characters, and putting them in unique environments, but nobody in Kiramager has much of a personality and there's nothing unique about it. It's really quite unlike Arakawa's other works. Every episode I've seen consists of hauling out old Sentai cliches and, instead of doing anything new or fun with them or making some sort of critique, is just the same old Sentai cliches done for the sake of laziness and convenience. The show's under the impression that it IS making some clever statements on the absurdity of Sentai, its cliches, bad villain plans, but it's not actually saying anything. There's no thought put into it. It's just "Isn't this all dumb, lul? Sentai poses are stoopid, let's make the stupidest one of all, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." Jokes don't land in this show, and it's nowhere near as amusing as it thinks it is. This show is Arakawa's Fiveman -- he's reached the bottom and it's time for him to move on to other endeavors.

The cast couldn't make it clearer that they're not taking anything seriously, either. And I'm not just talking about "Let's take and make this SERIOUS and tragic and grim dark!" Although, that's nice, but I'm talking about cast and staff not taking their work seriously enough so they don't have to put in effort. If they think they're above it or think it's all just a stupid cartoon, you're getting half-assed work that tells you that they're not taking it seriously, so why should you? There's no dedication, there's not an honest through-line to what they're doing. Like, Carranger's staff and cast were dedicated. COMMITTED. It's a goofy-ass show, but everyone took it seriously enough to make sure it all worked, that it was honest in its intentions. They had faith in the material, the audience, themselves. Jokes worked, but in the moments the show WAS meant to go for the heartstrings, THAT worked, too, and is one of the reasons why Carranger has withstood the test of time.

Every Kiramager cast member has this stink of "Let's just goof off for a year." And it really doesn't help that I think the cast reaches a point where they try to outdo each other in being "funny," always out-yelling and out-mugging one another, but it just makes them all seem like one and the same dummies. There's a similar problem with other shows, like Gaoranger or Dekaranger, where the teams begin the show with distinct personalities, but they end the show all seeming like the same character sharing the same half a brain. So let's move on and roast these dummies...

I can't stand Juuru/Red. He's a big, disingenuous dork. And his name is "Jewel." And he's such a backpfeifengesicht. And, yes, I realize that he's probably the fifth consecutive Red I've described as disingenuous. This trend of the supposedly pure-hearted and child-like, peacenik hippie, "gee-whiz" Reds needs to end when they rarely are able to cast anyone who's good enough to be convincing. (Zyuoh Psychopath and Koh with his stupid emoji face remain the worst.) I never thought I'd miss the run of baka Reds, but at least they were believable, and these clowns come close to making me miss 'em. I'll say that Rio Komiya's not a bad actor, but he lays it on so hard that Juuru starts seeming like a phony cartoon and, therefore, not authentic. (He's the most tolerable in the episode in which Fire inhabits Juuru's body.) It doesn't help Komiya that the show writes nothing for him. He's just a suspiciously happy guy who likes to make drawings that are so ugly that they run away from the paper in fright and find power in their ugliness. (Another thing Komiya needs to tone down? All those dumb noises he makes while "excitedly" drawing. He makes noises like Taz getting his dingaling stuck in an electrical outlet.)

It's hard for me to take "genius esportsman" Tametomo/Yellow seriously, but what's it say about this show when I think he's the best in the cast? You don't find out much of anything about him, but at least he's the smart, logical one, and actor Rui Kirihara doesn't seem like he thinks he's above everything -- he genuinely looks like he's having fun when it comes time for Tametomo to be placed in a silly situation, not like he thinks the show's stupid and shouldn't be taken seriously so everything's stupid to begin with...

...which can't be said about Atomu Mizuishi as Shiguru/Blue. In what should be a genuinely funny character -- an actor who thinks his many roles bring expertise to the team -- is tanked by Mizuishi being stiff with glazed-over-eyes and thinking that all it takes to be "funny" is to just make an exaggerated rubber face. There's nothing behind his performance, he's just punching the clock. Wasted potential. Shiguru is the perfect embodiment of this show -- insincere, phony and nowhere near as cool or funny as he thinks he is. (Hakataminami is similar. Talk about one of the most useless, wastes of a mentor.)

I like Yume Shinjo as Sena/Green -- pretty much the only one in the show whose character name AND performer name I can remember without having to look up -- it's a shame that she started out a little more serious and impulsively reckless before being paired with Juuru for goofery, but Shinjo handles it well, and has a more genuine energy than anyone else in the show, especially Komiya. She should have been the main character. Don't give me the crap that "little boys don't want the main hero in their show to be a girl!" Because little boys don't want their heroes all glittery and playing with jewels and talking about sparkling, either, but that didn't stop Toei. (Geez, why didn't Kiramager's toys sell? You mean little Japanese boys didn't want to play with glittery jewels? SHOCKING!)

Mio Kudo as Sayo/Pink is disappointing; again, the character should be a little more serious, but the writing makes her an airhead and Kudo plays her as the happiest pothead doctor you'd never want to be seen by. You know she's left tons of sponges in tons of patients.

I can't stand Silver. He looks like Magi Green, but brings all of Boukenger's lameness with him. I can't believe so much of the show focuses on him and his dumb-ass "treasure hunt," that any of the show's real so-called story and supposed emotion is focused on undeveloped Crystalia crap or creepy-ass Mabushina, and gathering all of the Infinity Stones to save her and her eyesore CGI world. *Frank Cross voice* I care. Mabushina's creepy. (That awful no-neck design combined with that obnoxious KAWAIIIIIII anime girl voice makes her twice as bad.) It's a funny idea having it be that Silver's supposed to be older than he looks, with the powers of the crystals slowing his age or whatever, but it's another missed opportunity in this show, because nothing's done with it. He could have been a more Showa-styled hero, acting like a grumpy older guy or something, but he's a total modern day hero with an annoying gimmick and repeating the same words like a Pokemon with Tourette's. (Yelling "SHINING!" at random moments in a fight and throwing "WONDER!" into each sentence can't even be referred to as his having a catchphrase. God, what's wrong with modern toku writing?)

The Jolly Rancher Kiramei Engine Buddyroids aren't worth talking about. I can't tell half of them apart; they're all that one indistinguishable anime voice. Back in my day, a voice actor could shake up their performance. More importantly, a voice actor knew that there's a difference between voice-acting in a cartoon and in a live action show. Modern voice actors just have their one voice and use that for everything, and it just sounds bad in live action stuff.

The villains are a joke, as has been the case with toku for far too long. I'm really tired of the latest trend of having one bulky general type of villain, with that cliched deep anime voice, and then having the goofy, effeminate and/or child-like villain, and that's it for villains until it's time for the finale to pull out the "real" threat, because they're too afraid to have regular villains do anything sinister or face consequences or be killed by the heroes. They'll be needed for what's sure to be a shitty versus movie, right? (I do have to say, though, that Naoko Kamio once again is doing a great acting job as Carantula. I couldn't believe it was her. But all of her good work is ruined by Yasuhiro Takato's typically unbearable and obnoxious voice performance.) For all of her build up, Yodonna was a one-note letdown. (Speak in monotone, tilt head down, look askew, stick tongue out = entire performance. She might not be as bad as someone like Zamigo, but people were comparing her to Ahames, for crying out loud!)

Damn, it would be nice for these superhero shows to remember that you need villains for your heroes to face. Heroes need to be threatened, villains need to provide danger. Everybody worships Jack Kirby, but ignores his advice that villains need to be better than the heroes, because the heroes need something to rise up against. Kiramager's villains are such a goddamn joke, there is no sense at all that the world is in peril. The heroes act like they're never anything more than a mere nuisance, never a threat. Why do we need superheroes for these guys? There's bigger assholes on Twitter. Again, the pointlessness of Yodonheim's plans is the show poking fun at the franchise, without having a point to make, so it's just disrespecting the franchise. "Remember when villains would turn people into watermelons? Here's one that turns people into marshmallows, LOL! Isn't Sentai stupid?!" And remember back when I said that Goranger's villain designs were atrocious, but the worst part is that they gave later designers a license to be lazy by pretending like it was just an homage to Goranger? That's Kiramager's approach *exactly* to a freakin' T.

As I predicted before the series aired, yes, it's at least more livelier than the lifeless bore that was Ryusoulger. But it's still a bad show -- bad in its complacency, bad in its refusal to take anything seriously, bad in its attempts at criticizing shows that actually had the balls to offer something new, unlike it. It's plotless, pointless, disposable, sub-dimensional. It says nothing, it is nothing. I watched the finale, and for days afterward was like "Oh, I need to just finally finish Kiramager. Wait, I already did." That's how spectacularly unremarkable it is. We need for Sentai to be doing better than the less-than-bare-minimum at this stage. Sentai's in bad shape, but let's do a show that has contempt for the franchise! (Worst of all, the show tries to switch gears after the pandemic to be about "fun" and "feels" to supposedly "help the nation heal," but it's VERY disingenuous and falls flat on its ass after its build up as a show with hatred for its own franchise.) Kiramei go fuck yourself, Toei.

It's everything I hate about modern Super Sentai in one ugly, obnoxious, nearly unwatchable package. I've lost patience with bad shows, so I'd get in a bad mood when watching this show. You see the next episode's preview and you're just like "Ugh. That looks horrible," so you just dread watching it. Honestly, it got to a point where I'd start an episode and even before the freaking opening credits played, I would be like "I'm already ready for this episode to be over." I had such a miserable time watching this show, I hated so much about it -- it's honestly some of my least favorite Super Sentai.

It's a strong contender for my pick for Worst Sentai or Least Favorite Sentai -- dethroning Kyoryuger, which I didn't think was possible -- but Zenkaiger, so far, is on the fast track to earning that dubious title. It's Kiramager to the max. (Even worse, since it's filled with boring robot characters you don't give a sliver of a shit about.)

I never wanted Sentai to reach the point for me that Rider did. I tried to keep up with all of the Heisei Riders, but talk about a flash in the pan. They went from good or at least intriguing at the start, and then quickly took a nosedive. OOO is the first show where I was just like "Rider sucks now and I don't want to watch any more of this shitty show and it's OK to not finish it," and it was sad to abandon the franchise, but so freeing. But Sentai's my favorite and I like it more than I ever did Rider and I've stuck with the thing through thick and thin. It took a lot to get through Ryusoulger, and I blame it a lot for bringing me to the point where I just couldn't put up with another mediocre goes-nowhere turkey like Kiramager and nearly dropping it. And I have totally dropped Zenkaiger, which is an atrocious show through and through and takes Kiramager's self-loathing to an entirely different level. Happy anniversary, Sentai!