Fiveman Episodes 25-28

 

EPISODE 25

This episode's the pits. It's so bad, I always think of it when I think Fiveman. "Oh, no. The space clown one." See if this description doesn't just wow you:

An alien clown comes to Earth to convince the monster of the week -- his former circus act partner -- to return to the act.

How does one get the gig and come up with this? I know, let's bury the weak plot by making it a vacation episode! Oh, we can't film anywhere interesting, it's just a write-off? Well...look, it will all be over in 17 minutes and we can just forget about it, right? They can't all be winners. (Although some winners would be nice, Fiveman. Oops! All Losers should be Fiveman's tagline.)

The clown character has a design that would make Zoba and Gunther feel proud. It's atrocious, like he's part of a Dolly Parton-themed Ice Capades spectacular. The actor is so bad, they have to dub him. The Fiveman feel like a guest in this nobody's show, as 90% of the script is the guy running around going "Liogin! Liogin! Come back to the circus! Make the space kids happy again!" (Yes, his partner is lion-themed. That "gin" is part of his name wasn't a tip-off that he might be with Zone, I guess. Just a crazy coincidence.)

If I had to come up with one positive thing to say about it, it's that the idea of Meadow shooting meteors out of her eyes is cool. That's about it.

Just a huge pile of who cares. I hate this episode. And it's not even Fiveman's worst! But it's down there. There's absolutely no coincidence that the next episode is the lowest rated of the series -- this episode was so goddamn bad that people fled the series.

 

EPISODE 26

Here we go. This is it, the infamous lowest rated episode. Garoa becomes a goofball. (And literally loses his balls.)

The premise of the villains having an Upside Down Day, where the grunts get to rule over the high-ranking officers, is an amusing idea, but just doesn't work. What villain is going to go for this? The whole thing is just an excuse to make Garoa look bad, since he's the focus here, when ALL of the Zone regulars should be being bossed around by the group of disgruntled Batslers. No, here even the others are mocking Garoa and taking delight in his humiliation.

It doesn't help that this is the second of the Vacation Location episodes, so the plot is ignored in favor of a boring nonstop chase which shows off said locations. (Boring because the motivation is to find gold for the monster of the week to eat. It also just makes the Fiveman look bad, always being a step behind.)

Not funny, not amusing, not the show-off spectacle they think it is...

Still not as bad as Space Clown, though.

 

EPISODE 27

I'll say it a hundredth time -- I'm a huge Nightmare on Elm Street maniac. I tend to enjoy the toku episodes that are obviously inspired by it or want to rip it off. And it's an Inoue episode! Holy shit, an Inoue take on Elm Street, that's gotta be crazy, right?!

It's a massive disappointment. They spare all expenses with the nightmare sequences (at least Remi's tries to have some action) and the Fiveman are saved by the kid of the week, a supposedly former student of Gaku's who he's helping capture insects for a summer project. The monster of the week is a praying mantis who shrinks in size, and the one amusing moment of the episode is when the kid captures it, recognizing something's off about it and starts prodding it with a stick, which is what breaks the monster's hold over the Fiveman's dreams. It's just a funnily edited scene, going between the kid's disgust with the critter and his tormenting it along with the monster's reaction. It's short, because Fiveman doesn't want you having TOO much fun.

Toshiya Fuji's deliveries are pretty strong in this episode; his pissed off reaction to the monster suggests Gaku should have had more disturbing, devastating nightmares than the one we're shown -- maybe something involving losing his parents or siblings.

Leave it to Fiveman to fuck up a Freddy plot. Even RX did a fun Elm Street episode. RfuckingX!

 

EPISODE 28

Bio Hunter Silva. Queen Ahames. Sir Kaura. Thief Knight Kiros. These were the Sixth Villains I grew up with. They're tough, they're cool, they're a major threat to our heroes, really messing them up. Then there were other awesome ones I saw later, like Salome, Banriki, Zenobia, Doctor Ashura, Yamimaru and Kirika... So maybe you can understand why I find Shubarie such a weak disappointment. (No, I'm not going to be typing "Chevalier.")

I love Flashman, and Green Flash is one of my favorite Greens, so I was excited when I first found out Kihachiro Uemura would be in this show. But Shubarie is so lame. I don't like his design -- it's like Uemura's being swallowed by the costume, and what's with that spray tan make-up? And I certainly don't like his gimmick -- he's basically a male idol who attacks by singing and gets all of the female characters to swoon over him. It's a monster-of-the-week gimmick, not something a strong, formidable Sixth Villain should be doing! Really, it's an anime character -- you know the ones who are supposed to be cool, but they're really lame dandies. The character is meant to be somewhat cool, a hero in his own head whose past victories for Zone led to a life of comfort and fame for him. But I find the character's overall pretty dorky, and I think Uemura is miscast and deserved better. (I've said in the past that I think Jun Yoshida would have fit the part better. I could also picture Ryousuke Kaizu in the role. But they deserve better than to play this dweeb, too.)

I've gotta give Uemura credit, though. Some performers would play this character pretty one-note, resting in that cheesy area of him being a showman, but Uemura does get in some moments of anger and where you feel like Shubarie CAN be a threat, that there's something more and something dangerous lurking behind the frivolous facade. But also? Uemura looks like he's having a blast. And I think he's the only one...

The show not nailing heart, the show failing at comedy, the heroes not having a good rapport or connecting with the material -- all that makes the entire hero side of the cast seem kind of miserable and like they'd rather be elsewhere. Zone has a couple of good actors and characters with potential, but they're barely used. There's not much excitement or sense of wonder or whimsy or FUN in this show. It's all encapsulated within a scene in this episode: to counterattack the singing attack of Shubarie and his Ant Capone-looking monster pal, the Hoshikawas decide to fight back by singing the Fiveman OP. Appropriately, music teacher Remi leads them. Too fourth-wall breaking? Eh, who cares, it's meant to be cute. But it's not. Look at the cast -- they all look like they want to shrivel up and die out of embarrassment. Whenever they cut to Fuji singing, he looks like he's getting dental work done. It's clumsy, awkward, dead on arrival -- without pulse, like so much of this show.

Shubarie is said to have been popular and there was a slight uptick in ratings when he appeared, which producers attribute to his character. Is it any wonder, when Uemura's the only one who seems to want to be in the show? Just as Shubarie's returned to bail Zone out of trouble, I guess Uemura's arrival bails Fiveman out.

I guess you could say they cast Uemura because it's a...*puts on sunglasses*...FLASHy role. *YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*